We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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