I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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