so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
