am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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