I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
