how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
only you would photoshop your dick
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize