Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
