i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
