Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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