I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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