I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
