Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
