Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
