I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize