..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
