The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
