I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
