He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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