My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
