im having a threesome with these popsicles
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
