try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
