community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish you could order shots online.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
