I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
