Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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