i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
