I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
