if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
