So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
