You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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