I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
