Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
