Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
