We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
