I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
