New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
