Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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