she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
