Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
