Swine flu. Run for my life!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
