she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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