U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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