So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
