Pappa wants mamma naked
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
