I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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