I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
