i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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