think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
