hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
