eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
