I puked a lego.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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