she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
