She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
