I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
