cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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