Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
