"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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