Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
