Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
