after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
bring money and cleavage
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
