I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
