This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
