you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
