you have to choose: penises or morals?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
