if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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