dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
3pm strippers are depressing
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
