i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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