she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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