Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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