I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
