why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
