so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You're a waste of cheezeits
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
