big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
