He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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