Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
