some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize