Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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