Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
