Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
