Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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