whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
