Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
whose parrot is this?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
