i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
