well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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