He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
